Next! by Virginie Snow


One man’s junk might be her treasure... After suffering twenty-eight years in a sexless marriage, forty-nine-year-old Ginnie Snow, a self-described “walking vagina,” scrabbles out of the doldrums of divorce and dives into the maelstrom of online dating. In her search for love, she is surprised, shocked, disappointed, and amused by the men she meets. She finds herself treading the swamp-waters of the internet world—deceptions, truths, and assorted "junk." But none of her internet dating adventures can compare to her own horrific deed of sexual need and betrayal.

Excerpt 1

Thoroughly convinced something was wrong with me, something that drove my husband into the arms of another woman, I made an appointment with a shrink. Even making the phone call was embarrassing. I had never needed the services of a psychiatrist.

“What is the problem?” the receptionist said after I demanded the first available appointment.

“I’m a schizophrenic. I see flaccid penises protruding from the walls.”

There was a leaden pause.

“No, I’m only kidding.” I chuckled. “But I should mention the penises are talking about me, too, saying nasty things about my hair and teeth.”

“Okay, ma’am.” She cleared her throat. “You can come in tomorrow.”

Merely walking into the shrink’s office and sitting in the waiting room put me in a near panic. Not only was I reeling from worry, self-blame, concern over my finances, my struggle to manage all the farm work myself, or, worse yet, losing the farm, but I hadn’t slept in days. I was a walking train wreck.

To make matters worse, I was facing a long drive to Albany, NY, to the Master of the Mindless, Dr. Kraisier, MD, PhD., specialty—psychiatry. I chewed my lower lip. Could I possibly have a personality disorder bordering on psychosis?

What if the shrink diagnoses you with sociopathic tendencies? What if you’re an obsessive compulsive and don’t know it? Worse. What if you’re paranoid schizophrenic? What if you really are a loon? What if Lance was justified in his abandonment? What would everyone think? They’d think Lance had every reason to have an affair. His wife was clearly bonkers!

In his private office, Dr. Kraisier handed me a box of hankies as I sat across from him in an over-stuffed leather chair. Where was the chaise? Wasn’t I supposed to be lying prostrate, staring at the ceiling, while he picked away at my subconscious like a torn cuticle? I looked around the shrink’s office. Homey, subtly decorated, dimly lit to induce calm and not send his rabid patients bouncing off the walls mid-therapy.

I crossed my legs and smiled weakly, trying in my best theatrical stance to look anything but bezomny. Lots of people need help coping with divorce. Just because Lance’s crazy cock corked a whore didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me.

“So, Mrs. Snow, uh, Doctor Snow,” he began.

I nodded and smiled knowingly, like Sir Francis Bacon.

“So, your husband left you, and you’d like anxiety medication so that you can sleep.”

Looking up from my lap, I laughed. “Yeah! You could feed horses from the bags under these eyes!”

Excerpt 2

It seemed like too much, too soon, too fast—desperate for a mate, regardless of who she could be. But that rib-crushing hug spoke to me and sent uneasy images to my brain: me in a fifties apron removing cupcakes from our matrimonial oven; my carting the laundry basket with freshly-ironed linens upstairs to our boudoir; my vacuuming the floors devoid of cat hair because my new husband hated all animals; my greeting him with a kiss and a gin and tonic when he arrived home from the office. My imagination went wild with my married state that would certainly jump-start Kenny the widower but would devolve me into humanus domesticus overnight. I was scared out of my wits. But as soon as I revealed the farm girl in me, he lost all oomph for his new bride-to-be. No longer attractive was this pig-prattling, swine-swilling woman who surely had the smell of hog manure clinging to her stilettos. Yep, he must’ve thought: She can dress herself up, but she can’t go out. She ate like Wilbur from Green Acres—chili flying in every direction, melted crackers sticking to her gums, orange chili-foam at the corners of her lips. No doubt, he pictured me, as his new bride, in the nude, too: her leg hairs, no doubt, bristly; her skin dry and flaky as a swine’s. She probably belched when she laughed hard. And during sex—well, she would probably grunt and fart like hell.

"One of the funniest, sexiest books I've ever read!  Men will love this book, too. They'll learn a lot about women and what makes them tick."
"Divorced! How many of us have experienced this event resulting in the dissolution of our marriage, our lives, our normalcy, our souls? Author, Virginie Snow, faces this upheaval with disbelief, anger, sorrow, bitterness, and a myriad of other emotions until she believes she is crazy. After all, she lived twenty-eight years in a sexless marriage due to her husband’s ED, then finds out he’s having an affair! Kind words from a doctor, support from her friends, and use of internet dating websites forge “Ginnie’s” resolve to overcome her victim status."
"In Next!, Ms. Snow uses laugh-out-loud humor and vivid imagery providing the reader privy to Ginnie’s thoughts, reactions, desires, and sexual experiences as Ginnie treads along in the ambiguity of the dating websites and, of course, with the men she dates. With introspection, empathy, and hilarity we observe Ginnie’s transformation from a near virgin-like nymph to a steamy, sensual lover. Has Ginnie lost her victim status or does she find a hole deeper in her soul? The agile use of language, intellectual references to classic literature, along with humorous metaphors make Next! not only an entertaining read, but also, a window to the complicated components of human emotions and needs."
I am not a fictional book reader by nature. I prefer bios and histories. A friend suggested I download this book just to find a way to relax and get away from the heavy reading I normally do. Finally I decided to try this book. Next! by Virginie Snow. Oh wow, lordy and really among other adjectives that could be used to describe this book are many. It is a book to make you smile, laugh out loud, gasp and giggle. Now don't be mistaken, this has all the good things in it, for adults, sex and then some. Graphic and hilarious at the same time. This book can be picked up and read anytime you have some free time, read a dozen pages, or maybe 50. Put it down and go back and the fun and wanting to be more inquisitive about what could possible be Next continues. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants an escape from the daily happenings and likes some sugar and loads of spice. I won't give away the storyline because it is just to daring in many areas to give it up. So go for this book and learn to laugh out loud and maybe, possibly find something you might really like. Ladies don't be shy. Men, go for it. It may give you a little insight into women you never ever gave thoughts about. Great for all adults.
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